Right now I need advice from anyone who reads this blog:
How do you deal with a friend dating another one of your friends?
Here’s the deal: This week I met up with my friend, Henry, and some other people at a bar downtown. There was another guy there named Tom, who I recognized because he’s very involved in Greek life, but I have never formally met him.
We talked for most of the night and it was nice getting to know a new person. At the end of the night, as I was saying goodbye to everyone, Henry says, “Ashleigh, can you give Tom a ride home, so Raquelle doesn’t have to drive everyone around town?”
This seemed justifiable to me so agreed and Tom and I left. What was interesting though is that Tom lives only two minutes away from Henry. Weird. However, the drive was uneventful. We said our good-byes and that was that.
The next day some of my close friends and I got together for our friend, Jon’s, birthday. Everything was winding down until Michelle randomly asked, “How was your drive home?”
“It was windy.” Of course being myself, my mind went straight to the weather.
Henry: “Did Tom try to make a move on you?”
“What? No he was a perfect gentleman.”
Now I was on alert. Did this Tom guy have a thing for me? Were my friends trying to hook us up and that’s why they asked me to drive him home? I had so many questions but I shrugged it off as nothing.
Boy was I wrong.
Thursday night, Henry, Adam and my cousin, Gabbi, (HAG) had a party at their house, and of course Tom was there. As soon as I got there it seemed like he was paying quite a lot of attention to me. We talked a lot about Greek life, school and my travels. After a while we both were getting quite tipsy and one thing led to another and all of a sudden we were making out in the closet room!
Making out in the closet room turned into making out at his house and me spending the night (we kept it PG people. Don’t let your mind to the gutter). It was fun and it was nice to have a guy pay attention to you who wasn’t some creeper in a Spanish club.
I saw Tom the next couple of days when we both hung out with our friends; everything seemed fine to me and not awkward. Then everything fell apart Saturday night.
There was another party at HAG’s house and things went from fun to horrible in a matter of seconds. Out of nowhere Henry asks me “The next time you get involved with one of my friends can I have the right to say ‘I don’t want this to happen?’”
Not only did this shock me, but also it really hurt me. I thought that Henry was trying to encourage something between Tom and I, but apparently he specifically asked Tom not to pursue me. I got very upset, started to cry and walked out of the party. Even though Henry tried to apologize, I was too drunk to accept his apology. All of a sudden everything started to snowball and we started fighting about all sorts of issues that were coming out of the woodwork. Eventually Henry just went to bed, and I laid in my cousin’s bed until I was sober enough to drive.
The next day, I was still really upset and decided to go to my parent’s house for a few days. It’s been two days and I still haven’t heard anything from Henry. I feel like I shouldn’t have to apologize. I don’t know if anything is going to go further with Tom and if it does or doesn’t, I don’t see how it would be awkward as long as Tom and I stay cool about the situation.
What do you think?
Is Henry justified or is he being over-bearing?
How should I approach the situation with Tom?
It would be nice to have some feedback because like the little guy above this the more I think about it the more confused I get.